Forever Chosen
by kittyfajitas
Summary: Post Season 7, Spuffy time travel. 'Nuff said, right? Rated M for language. Some dialogue taken from the show, no copyright infringement intended. Please review! This is my first attempt at a story with plot.
1. Chapter 1

I feel a sort of settling feeling in my body, like I didn't have a body but didn't realize it and now I do and we're getting to know each other again, but it's a surprisingly ready friendship. I guess it's a feeling that can only be experienced. I'm looking down at Buffy's hands resting in mine, she's sitting across from me and I can't bloody believe this is where they sent me back to. Once again holding her hands, must be a fuckin' metaphor or something. William is unbelievably touched and I'm already composing sodding poetry in my head about this moment, which actually isn't a whole lot different than what was going through my head the last time this happened. _So much for a soddin' soul making you a different person._ Buffy's hands tighten upon mine and I'm afraid to look her in the eye, and I realize my eyes are actually now closed. I'm afraid to see that lost, frightened look on her face again. I only hope I can do this right this time.

"Spike." Buffy says my name like it's a prayer. My eyes open and immediately seek hers and I'm not sure what I'm seeing, but it's definitely not what I was expecting. "Ohmigod, you're here, too. It worked!" And she launches herself into my arms, straddling me and wrapping her arms so tightly around my neck I'm lucky I don't need to breathe.

_Buffy POV_

I feel incredibly dizzy and it takes a few moments to realize I'm not speeding through the time space continuum (thanks, Andrew, for putting that term in my head) and I have landed in my own body. Funny, I hadn't noticed that I didn't have a body before. Probably one of those "had to be there" moments I'll never be able to explain. Spike is cradling my hands in his. My knuckles are cracked and bloody and I can actually see a bit of bone in a few places. Ick. I look up and around me. I'm in my house, sitting on the sofa, Spike is across from me on the coffee table with his head bowed over our hands and his eyes closed. Wait a minute. Spike is across from me. Spike is holding my hands and my knuckles are broken. I grip his hands and maybe I said something because his eyes open and look into mine and it's _Spike_. Call it Slayer intuition but I know this is MY Spike. He came back, too. Before I know it I'm in his arms and clutching him to me, oh god I don't ever want to let him go again. I want to crawl into his skin and live there. Somewhere in the back of my brain I realize that Spike may not know what is going on so as I layer kisses on his face and neck I assure him. "It's me, it's me. I found you. Spike, we have a second chance. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I love you. Please believe me. Please don't leave me again. Please, Spike." So, my kind of reassurance involves hysterical begging and a lot of tears. This kind of display is actually sorta new for me but it feels good so I go with it. Because Spike is _here_ and is kissing me back wherever he can reach and holding me so tightly to his body it's hard to breathe but I know it won't kill me so I love it.

"Um.. I got the stuff." Dawn. Spike looks toward Dawn then toward the door and starts pulling away from me. I realize I'm a bit slow on the uptake as the Scoobies come bursting through the door and I remember that the rest of this night happened, too.

_Spike POV_

Aw, fuck, these selfish pricks. Well, not all of them. _Most of them._ Buffy performs some kind of maneuver in the 3 seconds it takes for them to register her presence that lands us in the exact same positions we were in when we sat down. I hope that's a Slayer trait and if not, that Dawn doesn't learn how to do it when she gets a boyfriend. The cacophony from the crowd in the foyer is the exact timber that sent me fleeing the room the last time this happened. I wonder how often I'm going to be thinking _the last time this happened_ because I'm already tired of it. This time I squeeze Buffy's arm gently as we stand to let her know I've got her back before I take up a position behind her by Niblet. The Scoobs are all atwitter - talking over each other, flinging questions at Buffy and, as usual, not waiting for answers and ignoring Niblet's questions about what they know. Buffy starts backing toward me until she bumps into my chest and reaches behind her for my hand, which I readily give her. This does not go unnoticed by Dawn and she hollers for everyone to back off. To my surprise, their flapping mouths snap shut immediately.

Dawn looks accusingly at Willow. "You did this. What did you do?"

"A spell. We, we did a spell…" I like how she stresses "we" there.

"We didn't think it worked, but-" This from Anya.

"Is she going to be okay?" Everyone looks at Buffy.

"I'm okay. I'm gonna be fine. I remember. You brought me back." Her hand grips mine a bit tighter.

"What was it like?" Anya asks.

"What was what like?" I guess she's decided we're playing dumb.

"You know, hel-" Xander cuts Anya off. "It's okay. You don't have to talk about this, Buff. Hey, do you want something? Anything. Pizza. I'll get you pizza."

"Buffy likes pizza."

"Yeah, something to eat-"

"She doesn't want pizza."

"I just meant-"

"Guys! Back off!" Dawn's authoritative tone broke through the din. I'm going to have to do something nice for her.

"Right, uh, Dawn's right. We should just be quiet, and let Buffy tell us what she needs. " Willow hedges.

Silence. Buffy turns to look at me and I give her a little shrug to indicate I don't know what to do right now, either.

"OK, well… Spike is going to fix my hands and I guess pizza sounds good. It's kind of a post-apocalypse tradition, after all. But, you know, I'm really tired and I bet you guys are, too, so can we wait for Giles to get here before we do the full on twenty questions?" At this point Buffy has pulled my arms around to hug her tightly from behind.

"Sure, Buffy, of course. Whatever you want. Just…"

"What is it, Willow?"

"Aren't you happy? We got you out. We really did it." Willow grins at Buffy and it's all I can do not to roll my eyes. Except it's not all I can do because I do roll my eyes. I know this because Dawn gives me a sharp look. Buffy gives a little shudder.

"Yes, Will… I am happy. You did... something, that's for sure." All of their faces fall and if I had a camera I'd snap a picture to put next to the word _rejected_ in the dictionary. I bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing in their stupid faces. "Look, I love you guys. I'm glad to see you. But don't make any assumptions just yet, ok? There's more going on here than you know. So just… Can someone order that pizza and call Giles and let's all sit while Spike does my hands." I let go of Buffy so that I can take the first aid kit from Dawn, who is now wearing her "I will find out all your secrets" face, but she seems content enough to leave it for now as she flops herself into the easy chair in a testament to teenage indifference. I see Tara and Willow heading toward the kitchen, presumably to call for pizza and hopefully the Watcher, as well. Buffy and I return to where we were sitting – her on the couch, me on the table. Xander and Anya arrange themselves on the couch next to Buffy. The silence in the room is thick and tense but I barely notice as I tend to Buffy's hands because she's looking at me like I'm the answer to her prayers. I have no bloody clue what's happening, but my girl _loves_ me and she doesn't look like she plans on kicking me to the curb anytime soon. I'm grinning my happy ass off and so is she. I finish wrapping her hands and lift them up to give her a light kiss on her knuckles. She darts a sideways look at Xander and Anya but she's still smiling and I know she's waiting for the explosion that is bound to happen.

"So, Buff, I gotta ask - what in holy frijoles are you doing with evil dead here?"


	2. Chapter 2

"So, Buff, I gotta ask - what in holy frijoles are you doing with evil dead here?!"Xander's voice is calm, despite his words.

Oh, gods, can't a girl just come back from the dead and not have to explain herself the same night? "Let's wait for Willow and Tara and I'll try to explain."

Awkward. Xander and Anya begin a tense conversation under their breaths that I am trying not to hear. Spike is clinching his jaw which means I'm better off not hearing, considering my frame of mind is slightly unhinged right now. He'd point it out now if it was too bad, you can guarantee that. Hmm... I can read the situation through the clinch of my lover's jaw. No wonder I'm going to live so long. I look to Dawn and I can tell that she wants answers but is busting at the seams in happiness. I'm going to take that as a good sign. I reach my hand out to Dawn and ask her to come sit by me and Spike and she launches herself into my arms and my hearts just breaks for how lonely she has been. I grip her to me and I start crying. Again. What is with me? It's just… I wish I would have been _capable _of this the first time.

"What do you mean the first time?" Dawn asks through her sniffles. Must have said that last bit out loud. I look away from Dawn's puffy, tear rimmed eyes and see that Willow and Tara are already back, sitting quietly in the love seat, all curled up together. It hurts and soothes my heart and I feel myself tearing up again. Time to get started, though. Everyone is looking to me for my answer.

"Well, I guess that's the first thing I need to tell you guys. I'm back… From the future." No one laughs. OK, I guess I need to elaborate.

"What I'm trying to say is that tonight already happened for me - about two years ago. Um…" I'm trying to think of a way to explain this that won't cause a fight, but I'm not sure that way exists, so I'll just keep it simple. "Willow, your spell was interrupted, right?" Willow looks awfully pale and she just nods. "So, a lot of stuff went wrong with the spell. I think you all had good intentions, but doing magic like that on a hellmouth… Big time bad on a lot of levels. But not all bad. Because the spell was interrupted, it was open to interpretation by the Powers That Be, and that allowed me to be sent back to this time. I think. They never give you all the info you need, you know. That's why we need Giles." There. Strange comment explained, and everyone still seems relatively subdued. I might get them out of here without an argument. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that these Scoobies haven't betrayed me yet, other than the whole ripping me out of heaven thing. Does that count as betrayal? After all this time, I still haven't decided. They certainly didn't help their case by kicking me out of my own home, but so much else had happened by that point… I can't really hold that against _these_ Scoobies, right? Ugh, I'm giving myself a headache.

"OK, so, time travel. Not the weirdest thing I've heard of on the hellmouth. But that doesn't explain Spike." Thanks, Xander, for dashing my hopes. I turn my most innocent look on Xander and keep mental fingers crossed that he's still feeling bad about the whole "dug my way out of my coffin" thing since it's still fresh in his mind.

"What it boils down to is that he's with me. " I'm still holding Spike's hand, and I give it a little squeeze that he returns gently, mindful of my injuries. I haven't let go of him, I need the physical connection to reassure me that he's here. Is it possible to get separation anxiety when you've technically only been separated for not even a day? I wonder how long it's been for him.

"Buffy, he's a vampire." Xander says this like he's speaking to a small child or a lunatic. I feel the rage from earlier start to simmer and I know I have to put a lid on this conversation before it boils over. But, then again, I can't get my heart fully behind diplomacy as the way to go. I'll try for something in the middle. The worst has already happened so what the hell, right? I stand and face Xander directly.

"You're right, Xander. Spike's a vampire. I'm the Slayer. Dawn is an inter-dimensional key. Anya was a vengeance demon for over a thousand years. Tara's a witch. Willow is quite possibly the most powerful witch on Earth. In this room, _you're_ the freak. I trust Spike. I _love_ Spike. Dawnie, do you trust and love Spike?"

"Well, I mean… yeah. But not love love. Love like a brother or really young...looking...vampire... uncle… I don't know. Family. O.M.G. We're the Munsters!" The girl's eyes are round as saucers and she is actually happy to be the Munsters. For the thousandth time my mind boggles at the fact that she was made from me.

"Thanks, Dawn. My point is, Xander, this is our home. Our _family_ home. Spike is always welcome here. He was welcomed by my mother on many occasions. If you have a problem with that, YOU are welcome to leave. You are also welcome to stay, but we won't be continuing this conversation tonight." Channeling my mother here, please let courtesy work for me like it always did for her.

"Buffy, you really can't expect me to -" Or not. Moving on.

"Fuck, Xander, I don't want to fight!" I positively bark it at him as I slash my hand through the air and take a step toward him. I wonder if he has any idea that I'm considering whether I can rough him up without breaking any bones and finding myself on the side of not caring if it will get him out of my house faster. He has insurance, right? Why did I have them order pizza?

"Xander, I'm not sure she means that." Good call, Anya.

"I'd listen to your fiancé, whelp. You're not often on the receiving end of that look, but I know it by heart. It usually comes with a broken nose." Of course, Spike daring to speak brings Xander to his feet.

"NO ONE ASKED YOU!"

I snatch him up by his shirt and start pulling him toward the front door.

"I don't expect anything from you, but you obviously have some expectations of me that I don't feel up to meeting tonight. Or possibly ever. We will have a discussion about Spike. I think I've made my feelings clear, and after what you helped do to me, the least you can do is give me a night to rest before giving me the third degree." At this I yank the door open and push him through it. He looks like he's about to say something but then his mouth snaps shut. He just turns on his heel and stalks down the driveway. I move aside so Anya can follow with her purse and their coats. Just as I'm about to close the door she turns back to me.

"Buffy. Thank you for not inflicting bodily harm on Xander. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to bring you back. I'm still not completely sure it was. To be honest, you seem a little more demony but you show remarkable restraint. What I'm trying to say is… Thank you for saving us. And… I'm sorry if my actions harmed you."

"Thank you, Anya." My voice must carry too much emotion, and she looks at me oddly before saying goodnight and rushing to catch up with Xander.


	3. Chapter 3

I close the door softly behind Anya and suddenly I feel the weight of _everything_ smothering me. The events of the day, the events of the last year and the year before - the current year, I remind myself. The year I am about to live again. I lean my head against the door and try to take deep, calming breaths, but I feel like an electrical current is running through my body, my body that is so tired. I can't believe where my day started and where it ended up, and I know it's not over. It's never going to BE over. There's a hurricane of emotion within me. I hear harsh breaths gasping through ragged lungs and when I feel Spike's hands on my shoulders I realize that the sounds are coming from me. He pulls me back into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I turn within the confines of his arms and I can't help but clutch to him, burying my face in his neck, slipping my arms under his duster to wrap around his back, anchoring myself to him and relishing the feel of his strong shoulders, unmindful of our audience in the living room.

"Shh, love. It's okay. I've got you." Spike murmurs in my ear and I am brought back to earth, grounded in the reality of being in his arms when I didn't know if I ever would be again. Somehow I manage to pull my scattered thoughts together, grasping the tenuous strings of my current reality, pulling and tying them together until I can form a coherent thought.

"We've got to get out of here." I whisper so only he can hear. I feel him nod from where his chin is resting atop my head and he briefly squeezes me tighter against him before he releases me.

"Niblet, can you come here for a sec?" Spike gestures for Dawn to join us. I look up to see that all three women are standing in the living room, watching us with mixed emotions on their faces. Dawn hurries over and comes in close. I pry one of my hands away from the solid reality of Spike and reach out to grab Dawn's hand.

"Big sis and I are gonna go for a ride. We'll be back by dawn. Are you going to be ok?" Dawn looks like she wants to protest but when she turns to me her face softens and she nods.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. You'll be back by morning? You promise?"

"Yes, Dawnie." I say. "I promise I'll be here when you wake up. This is all just…"

"Too much. I get it. I'll be ok. I'm just so happy you're back, Buffy. I missed you so much. We all did."

"I know. I just need to get my head together, and Spike and I need to talk about some things."

"Okay. I love you, Buffy." She uses our linked hands to pull me into a hug and I peer over her shoulder to where Willow and Tara are standing in the living room. I release Dawn and take a few steps toward them.

"I know this doesn't make a lot of sense right now… the Spike thing. We're here from two years from now and a lot has happened, a lot has changed. I promise full disclosure once Giles gets here, I just really want to only tell it once."

"Yeah, Buffy, whatever you need. Just… Are you sure about Spike? Are you sure he's what you think he is? I mean, the spell was just on you, there's no way it affected Spike…"

"Yes, Willow. I don't know how, either, but I just know, you know?" I wish I could explain but I don't have time right now. It's too much. I settle for looking hard into Willow's eyes and try to convey the trust of best friendship to her, willing her to let it go, at least for now.

"OK." Willow breathes it out on a heavy sigh and then pulls me into her arms. "I'm just so glad you're back." I pull back and hold both her hands in mine. My gaze travels down to our linked hands and I wish with all my heart that things won't go the same way this time around. The thought brings my eyes up to Tara. She looks shaken and tired and my heart breaks thinking of how often I saw that look on her that year but didn't pay any attention. I release Willow to pull Tara into a hug.

"Take care of her." I whisper in Tara's ear. She nods and whispers back for me to take care of myself. When I release her I turn back to Spike. He's standing in the foyer with his hands shoved deep within the pockets of his duster, trying to look unassuming as he so often had done since he returned with his soul. I can't help but stare at him in disbelief over the fact that we are here. I suspect I'm going to have to pay for this, but despite my deep resentment of the PTB, there is no one else to thank for this…blessing. I feel more tears prickling my eyes but I shove them back. He looks up at me from under his lashes, cobalt blue shining deeply into my heart. He must see something he likes in my expression, because he pulls himself up taller, and gives me a cocky little smile and _that look_. The one that makes me melt.

"Let's go." I take his hand and we walk out the door and into the night.

Buffy's staring out over the ocean, eyes taking in the expanse of black that seems to stretch endlessly along the horizon. I'm still hovering by where I parked the bike on the sand, wondering and marveling about the way she's acting. The way she stood up for me, the way she grabbed my hand when we left, as if we were just any bird & bloke heading out for the evening. The feel of her arms clutching me as we sped down the freeway, resting her head on my back.

"What's it like living forever?"

Her voice is so solemn. It startles me from my reminiscence. Her question seems so heavy that my first instinct is to evade. I'm not qualified to answer that.

"No one lives forever. We all meet our end at some point."

Buffy sighs, but goes on. "I never let myself think about living forever. I think… I mean, everyone fantasizes about it, but I wouldn't ever let myself go there. I knew my life would never be close to a full human-scale lifetime. Any thoughts I might have had about living forever were about if I was somehow turned. It would have been a curse. But when I found out, it still felt like a curse."

I feel a strange combination of hope and dread blossom in my heart. "After you found out what?"

"That I could live forever."

I'm stumped. I know I must be gaping like a fish but I can't decide if she's loony, if I didn't understand what she said, or if she's telling the truth. Finally I manage to say something.

"What happened to you, Buffy?"


	4. Chapter 4

_"Yeah , Buffy. What are we gonna do now?"_

_I don't know how to answer. Everyone continues to chatter around me and I can't take my eyes off of what doesn't remain of my home. Sunnydale is just… gone. The entire city just caved in and fell on top of… I knew this fight was going to be a game changer, but somehow I never considered this as the outcome. I can't help but smile a bit at my own lack of foresight. Everything is gone. So many memories… Spike took it right off the map. I know it will be written off as a major earthquake or something and the world will never know what happened here. But I can't help but think that the total destruction of Sunnydale is a fitting monument to Spike. Nothing less than a city wide crater to memorialize my guy. I join the rest of my friends before I start crying. Giles meets my eyes as I walk over to the group and reaches out, placing his hand on my shoulder. _

_"Buffy, we have several wounded. I suggest that we move on to the nearest hospital and bunk in a hotel for the night."_

_"Yeah. We need to get somewhere to rest before we plan. I don't know how the other girls are holding up, but I know I was hurt pretty badly. It's just adrenaline keeping me on my feet at this point."_

_Giles takes a step back and moves his hands down my arms, surveying me for I injury. I see his eyes go wide and he lifts up my shirt a bit to see where I was stabbed during the fight. It doesn't hurt right now, but I know if I look it will start, so I direct my gaze to his face. He has constipated face so I know he doesn't like what he sees._

_"Don't tell me how bad it is until we're somewhere that we can deal with it, ok?"_

_"Is this your blood?" That's a strange question. Who else's blood would be coming from my wounds?_

_"Yeah... It'd have to be."_

_"Buffy, you aren't bleeding."_

_"What?" I look down at my stomach and see… Nothing. There's no wound. Like it never happened. I twist my arm behind me to feel for the entry wound of the sword that skewered me and all I feel is smooth skin. Giles spins me around and pulls my jacket up. I can feel the thin material of my blood soaked shirt as he peels it off my skin and I know it's got to be bad. He's being awfully quiet._

_"What, Giles? Tell me!"_

_"Buffy...eh… There is a great amount of blood on your shirt back here. Were you run through?"_

_"Duh, Giles! Just tell me… How bad?"_

_"There is no wound. It's already healed." I feel a curl of dread creep around my heart. _

_"So, like, I picked up a 'Slayer One Up?' It must have been when I bumped that box."_

_Giles circles around me. He's got the arm of his glasses in his mouth as he looks intently at the ground. Never a good sign. I glance around me to look for a distraction but everyone is headed back onto the bus. I look back at Giles and he is staring at me with an expression I've never seen before._

_"Look, it must not have been as bad as I thought. Maybe it didn't make it all the way through."_

_Giles opens his mouth to speak and then closes it again. When he finally starts talking the creeping dread starts to put down roots._

_"From what I can tell from the location of the blood, you were run straight through where several vital organs are located. There is simply no way that some weren't punctured. __The liver, gallbladder, the large intestine__.__ We know from past experience that you heal from inside out. That means that from the time you were stabbed until now, you healed a mortal wound completely."_

_I'm not sure what Giles thinks is going on, but I know my suspicions and somewhere deep inside I know they are true. I glance back at the Sunnydale and think that everything worth keeping forever is gone._

_Panic. Full on heart stopping, world spinning panic. When I reach five I take a deep breath and meet Giles' eyes. _

_"Let's get everyone to safety." I say. I turn and start heading toward the bus, Giles close behind me._

* * *

><p><em>"Buffy. Buffy. Are you asleep?"<em>

_Am I? No, just deep in thought. I realize that Dawn has her hand on my shoulder._

_"Hey, Dawnie. Where did we wind up?"_

_"I'm not sure, exactly. We dropped everyone that needed medical attention at the hospital and Giles is getting us rooms at the nearest motel. We're just waiting for him to come back and start handing out keys."_

_"OK. We're together, right?"_

_"Duh!"_

_I place my hand over hers on my shoulder._

_"I'm glad you made it out. I don't think I told you that yet. Thanks for going in with me."_

_"Of course, Buffy. I know that world save-age is top priority." I can't believe how my sister turned out. She's clever, funny, brave. I wish I could trust her._

_"Where's Faith? Did she stay with Robin?"_

_"No. She and Giles had a big confab and she decided to stay with us."_

_"Ugh. I wish I hadn't fallen asleep. Then again, maybe I'm glad I did."_

_"Don't worry about it, Buffy. Everything's under control. Battle's over."_

_"Yeah… Is Faith close? I'd feel better if I talked to her." Dawn looks a little disappointed but she smiles and nods. _

_"Yeah, I'll grab her." Dawn takes off down the aisle to the front of the bus. I look out the bus window and see Giles waiting in line at the hotel counter. I hope they have enough rooms for everybody._

_"Yo, B. You doin' ok?"_

_"Yeah, Faith. Turns out I'm immortal and I just sacrificed the man I love, __**again,**__ on the altar of the world. I need some answers, and I need them now. Can you get me a car?"_

_To her credit, Faith only looks shocked for a split second before her cocky façade is back in place._

_"That's mighty presumptuous of you, B. What makes you think I can get you a car?"_

_"Because I know you and I know you picked up more than a dictionary while you were in the slammer. Can you do it? I honestly don't care if we take one right out of the parking lot."_

_Faith gives me one of those looks, clearly measuring me up. I look her dead and the eye and lift a brow. She laughs under her breath._

_"Yeah, girl. I'll get you outta here. Grab what you need. I'll go tell Giles we're going to patrol the area just in case."_

_"Thanks, Faith. I'm right behind you." Everyone else is off the bus and I head to the back to see if my pack is there. My heart breaks I look toward where I left it and see Spike's small duffel next to mine. Over a century's old legend and this is all that remains of William the Bloody. I can't help but think that the legend of today alone could last for another century or more. The dread is fully blossomed now and is seeping into my thoughts. What if I can't do this? What if, for all my posturing, I am really not the One? I shake those thoughts off and believe what he told me. I'll believe in him like he believed in me. I know it means something and I intend to ask the source. I snag both our packs and head off the bus and on to my way to LA, and, hopefully, answers._


	5. Chapter 5

_I pull up to the address on the paper Faith gave me before I tore out of the parking lot in my stolen car, what seems like miles and hours and lifetimes ago. I don't know what I was expecting, but - the post office? _

_'Right side alley – Say I request access to the all knowing ones'_

_It's not Faith's handwriting, it's Angel's. The page is worn with deep creases showing that it had been read and reread hundreds of times. I wonder when she got it. Before prison or after? I have no idea what it means. All Faith said is that she was too afraid to ever use it, and I was too numb to ask questions. _

_I turn off the ignition and the jeep shudders around me as the engine turns off. The streets are nearly empty in this part of L.A., but the stereo is still playing loudly, the volume turned all the way up to drown out my thoughts as I drove. The haunting melody seeps through now that I'm not concentrating on moving._

_'When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth._

_No grave can hold my body down, I crawl home to her.'_

_Plastic pieces litter the floor boards and I pull my fist out of the radio face. I consider my bleeding knuckles and note that my hand is shaking. The sting clears my head. No, I can't think about him now. I just need one question answered before I can rest._

_My footsteps echo against the tall brick walls on either side as I walk down the alley. There are no doors and nothing has jumped out at me by the time I reach the red brick wall that blocks the end. No one's around to see me look like an idiot, not that I'd care much if there were._

_"I request access to the all knowing ones." I say it loudly and my eyes widen as the dark walls on all sides flicker in and out of focus. I'm reminded of the spell I did that showed me the truth about Dawn. The world around me shifts and alters until I'm standing in a dark room, lit only by a torch hanging on a wall in front of me. The ground beneath my feet is now dirt, not cement. I hear whispers all around, but I can't make out what they're saying. The room is empty to all my senses other senses._

_**Unseen. Unexpected. Impossible**__._

_"Who's there?"_

_**We are the voice of the Powers That Be. Ask your question, Chosen Warrior.**_

_ I don't like this, speaking to a seemingly empty room in god knows what dimension. But, I came here for answers. Answers I shall seek._

_"Am I immortal?"_

_**Yes.**_

_ So succinct. To the point. The truth of it hits me like a fist to the gut._

_Whatever calm I had been fooling myself with disappears instantly._

_"How?" My voice is a whisper._

_**The key opens all doors.**_

_**Different prophecies…**_

_**Different vampires…**_

_**Power over time.**_

_**Blessed by choice!**_

_**Chosen who travel worlds! **_

_Each whisper is different, excited, and oddly conversational. The sudden sound of a hundred beings gasping at once causes me to feel short of breath myself. I wait for more, but I have a strange sensation that I'm alone again. More alone._

_"Wrong vampire? What about Spike? He died! For you! For me! Are you telling me you made a mistake?"_

_Silence._

_"Power over time… You can send me back to him! Do it! Send me to him! Please." 'You don't strike me as the begging kind.' His voice is only in my head. If only he knew..._

_Silence._

_"How can you let this happen to me!? Tell me!" My throat hurts as I scream into the empty room. The silence outrages me. There's no one to yell at. No one to hit. What the hell am I supposed to do?_

_"I've died twice for you, and you've damned me to an eternity of misery! How dare you! Wasn't that a curse put on a vampire for rape and murder of a little girl?!"_

_More silence. My raw throat hurts with each shallow breath I take. My heartbeat echoes in my ears. _

_Immortal… _

_Alone…. _

_I'm suddenly gasping for air and I can feel hot tears running down my cheeks as I fall to my knees. I can't… I don't know how… My ears start to ache with a high pitch whine that echoes through the cavern, my body feels like it is folding in on itself._

_Some distant part of me realizes that the noise is coming from me. That same distant part sees that I am tearing at the ground and wailing… But all I know is the deepest despair I've ever felt._

_**Not us. The witch…**_

_The sudden whisper in my mind startles me into quiet._

_A new voice booms and echoes around me._

_**Chosen One, your anguish is already under advisement. We have begun the process to correct the issue. Please come back and see us when you arrive at your destination. Please hold momentarily.**_

_What?_

_Did they just say?_

_What?_

_And then everything goes white._

* * *

><p>"What happened to you, Buffy?" As the words leave my mouth it dawns on me that I don't know how long it's been for her since I shoved her away and subsequently burned to ashes. For me it seems like it's been mere moments. Moments spent in some sort of mystical dimension where the dead go... Shit. If what she says is true, if she's immortal…<p>

She's still standing, turned halfway between the ocean and me, arms crossed defensively over her chest, and gazing at the dark horizon as if it has something to offer her. Finally, she turns to look at me. The look in her eyes has me completely stunned.

"You died. That's what happened. You _died_, Spike! You were… burning…and I _ran_. I should have stayed with you! I should have ripped that stupid thing off your neck and dragged _you _with _me_! I should have done_ something_! But I did the typical Buffy thing and I _ran_."

"I wanted you to -" She throws up her hand to silence me.

"And when I stopped running, I was healed. I was run straight through before you started… before… But when we stopped at the edge of the crater, Giles said from where the blood on my shirt was that the sword must have pierced my liver. I should have died. I didn't." She's on the verge of tears and so am I.

"How? Was it… Oh, god. The amulet! When we touched…" Oh god no. Is this my fault? I close my eyes and curse the damn Powers That Fuck With You. But Buffy's hands are now framing my face and forcing me to meet her eyes. And that's all I can see. Her eyes that have captivated me for years, changing color with her emotions, but always a shade of green. Eyes that I was afraid to look at tonight for fear of seeing them lost and empty. I still see the loss, but the color is one I've only seen once before.

"Don't start, Spike. It wasn't you. It was Willow's spell. The one that brought me back. I went to L.A. and I…" She looks pained for a moment and seemingly shakes it off just as quickly. "Angel's known this whole time how to contact the Powers That Be directly. He never told me. Anyway, I went to an address that Faith gave me. They hinted around a lot of crap, but that part was clear. It all started with Willow. Tonight, I guess."

A part of me wants to jump up and down in ecstatic joy that I won't lose her again. The other part is weeping for her, for the fact that she won't be getting the rest she deserves. And I still can't believe she's here – _my_ Buffy. Granted, I didn't think a whole lot before I agreed to go back in time, but this is the last thing I would have imagined. I'm at a complete loss for words. Luckily Buffy starts again before I have a chance to blurt out anything stupid. As she speaks her hands slide down my neck, across my shoulders and down until she's gripping my biceps. The way she's touching me… It's something I thought I'd lost without ever having had it.

"God, Buffy. I don't-" She cuts me off before I say something stupid.

"Spike." My name never sounded so beautiful from her lips. "Listen, just let me get this out. OK?"

I nod and reach up to cup her elbows. She's still clutching my arms, but it's through my duster and I have to feel her myself.

"I'm here for you, Spike. I came for _you_. I didn't mean to throw you away. I just… When I ran… I guess I always assumed I wouldn't be around for long if you died. It wouldn't be long before I was gone, too, and then it would be over. I'd understand, and it wouldn't hurt anymore. But that was stolen from me in a more permanent way than I ever thought. "

"I lost it when they told me. I didn't - couldn't - think about anyone else. I'm the one who has to live my life and I couldn't imagine forever without _you_. The heaven's heard my cry, literally. And then everything went away, and I looked up, and you were there. If they hadn't sent me to you, I don't know what I would've done. " Her voice breaks and her lower lip trembles almost imperceptibly. The look is in her eyes again, the one that's astounded me throughout the night. All of a sudden it hits me. Devotion. That's what I'm seeing. It's too much. I can't believe… I release her and turn away, scrubbing my hands through my hair in frustration.

"This can't be real. This is a trick." The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them. Just as quickly I'm spun around and wind up flat on my back with an angry Slayer perched on top of me.

"It's real! How else can you explain us both being here? They said things – about wrong vampires and prophecies and the key. But they knew that I chose you, Spike. I love you! You didn't believe me, but I do! I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to risk my heart again, that I was too late. I know it shouldn't have taken your death to make me say it. But this world, my calling, it's taken _everything_ from me! Over and over again I've sacrificed, asked others to sacrifice, and I just couldn't lose _you_, too. It turns out that losing you was the one thing…. It was the one thing I couldn't…" Her words tumble out of her mouth until she trails off and visibly struggles to retain her composure. She takes another deep breath and looks directly into my eyes, willing me to listen and believe what she's saying.

"I know it's real, Spike. I know that I love you, that I need you. That I've loved you for so long and that's _ok_. I know we've basically been given the stamp of approval from the PTB. We're not going to waste this chance. I'm not going to be the girl that's faces monsters nightly but is afraid to love, and you're not going to be the monster that loves so much but it's never returned. Not anymore."

"Buffy, I…"

Suddenly she's kissing me. Deep, passionate, desperate kisses, drawing the air from my dead lungs, devouring me in a way that she never has. And I'm lost. All that I am, all that I have ever been, is hers. I can't help myself but to take everything she will give me. I want to believe her, I want so badly to believe her.

As if sensing my thoughts, she springs up off my lap and backs away a few paces. The look of horror on her face as I look up at her makes me cringe. Here it comes.

"Oh god! I'm sorry! I'm doing it again! I didn't think. You died and I don't even know where you were. I didn't even ask! You might not even want -" She breaks off with a stifled sob, and tears are about to spill over her lids.

That brings me off my back and she freezes as I storm toward her.

"Damn it, woman! Are you daft?! Of course I bloody want you! You're all I've ever wanted! For over a hundred years - human, unsouled, souled - it's always been you. You're what I was looking for this whole time. You know you're everything to me! I just… I didn't really think…" I've long since reached where she stands, and our faces are so close, it's all I can do not to kiss her. She needs physical reassurance, but she needs to hear me first. I settle for pushing some stray hair away from her face and cupping her cheek.

"Love, do you really believe I would hold it against you that I'm the one thing you can't live without?"

"Well, yeah. Obviously!" She huffs, but I see her lips turn up a bit before she becomes serious again. "It turns out the thing I'm most afraid of is losing you, so that means all kinds of horrible things could happen."

"Doesn't matter, love. We have right now, don't we? Isn't that what you were just sayin'? Blessed by the PTB and what all?"

"Yeah… So, you're still with me?"

"Always. I'm going to take care of your heart, if that's what you're giving me. I love you and not a damn thing in this world or any other is going to take me away from you. I'll make sure of it."

She grabs me again and presses her words into my lips "I'm with you, too. Always."

And everything else falls away.


End file.
